Editor’s note: I started this post very randomly because – I thought – my brain was empty and didn’t know what to write about so I just started typing and blabbing. And then it just starting evolving into something that matters to me. I asked a question and was hoping for some suggestions and I ended up answering it because I realized I always knew the answer. Deep inside me.
Sunday was a beautiful day.
And every time I miss a beautiful day because of work it makes me think about what I expect in life. I know I HAVE to work now because we have bills to pay and things to buy (food and stuff) but… am I going to have to work forever?
I’ve always wanted to be a part-time something / stay-at-home mom. I remember when I was younger I had lots of dreams of me being professional and having a perfect job -a job related to what I went to school for and not a completely different career – and being an independent woman who wouldn’t just give up her dreams. But then I fell in love, got married and had to keep working because I couldn’t afford going back to school to get a masters degree. It’s not that I regret anything I’ve done. I am happy where I am now, but I always wonder: what if I would have carried on with my plans? Where would I be now? Would I be doing something completely different to what I went to school for – like now – or would I be doing what I always wanted to do? See, I went to school to be a translator/interpreter in German and English. I always wanted to translate and dubbed movies. I think that is sooo interesting. To be able to fit in the same time frame what one actor says in his original language, but translated into a second language.
That is my passion.
I know it’s really hard to accomplish that now. I don’t feel the necessity to go back to school, I’ve almost forgotten about it because I’ve exchanged it for different dreams. I guess I’ve changed. Evolved. Got different priorities in life.
I know I need to work in order to get things in life – and I don’t mind that. I enjoy my job and I love working with the people I work directly with. But I always wonder why I don’t miss my dreams as much. I mean, I worked SO hard for them. And now they’re forgotten. I’ve given up on them and I don’t even feel bad. Is that wrong?
I don’t want to go school anymore. Now my priorities are my family, my extended family and friends, my job – that is, keeping my job or getting a better one, our health and our home (getting a bigger one). It’s not all about me anymore. I guess in some ways it’s normal and it’s right. It’s time. But sometimes I wonder if I should be missing my older dreams. I wonder if I will miss them in the future.
I know what I’m doing now is what I really want to do, but is that what I will want in 2, 3, 10 years? I guess everything has a reason to happen in life, and every decision affects your life – for good or bad. I’m confident that every decision I’ve taken so far has eventually led me to my husband and my life in a foreign country and even though I miss my family so so so bad, I think it’s been worth it. Every tear, every smile and every up and down has made me the person I am now and had taken me to this exact place in this precise moment.
I don’t regret any of it. I love my life as is, and I take it and enjoy it – as is. With all happiness; money struggles; small but very cozy home; family far away but with an amazing husband to support me when I need him (and can easily represent 10 family members supporting me at the same time); a crazy pup that snores at night and sleeps sideways in the middle of our our bed and pushes us out until we almost fall, plus pees on my bed, – but knows when I’m sad and comes to cuddle with me, welcomes me home with a big kiss and a wagging tail and keeps my feet warm at night; a group of friends so different from each other but that are there for me 24/7 and that are my family in this country; a job that sometimes frustrates me because I don’t even use half of my brain and I feel very unappreciated and underestimated but with an incredible and awesome boss who is also one of my closest and most trusted friends; and so many other reasons where bad things comes hand in hand with good things.
I guess I answered my own question: I don’t regret anything and I’m happy where I am now, because I’m still building the Melissa of the future: the mom, the aunt, the 40 year-old wife that still takes care of the 15-year old little Penny (hopefully) and I don’t know where I will be in the future but I’m sure I’ll look back in life and THEN I’ll know why I did the things I do now.
And I will be very proud of myself.
Posted by Melissa 
Posted by Melissa 
Posted by Melissa 
